[For his part Grimm had searched for the Knight when they vanished along with their sibling and a few others the Troupe Master knew. He was aware that people vanished, to go back home and to what fate awaits them, but a mass amount was likely unusual along with all the other going-ons at the time.
(The image of a rotting butterfly is still burned into the God's mind.)
But that did not matter in the face of finding those dear to him. The Knight was likely going though something more worse.
And...well this is a clear indicator. The Knight does not weigh much on their own so that alone is not enough to knock Grimm off his perch. But being tackled is enough to wake and startle him enough he lets go with a surprised noise that is not unlike his child's chirping.
Luckily the fall is not so bad it would hurt either of them and that Grimm does not fall on the Knight.
(As his dream fades he can hear that old voice laughing.)]
That certainly was a surprise! [But he is not angry, merely surprised. And there are more things to worry about.] Are you alright, my friend?
[Touch is something the Knight seeks but not quite like this.]
[ Their action has an immediate consequence, as it usually does. But as with many things here, there is no punishment or pain waiting to warn them off it; it goes less badly than they would have expected.
Grimm asks them if they're all right. They don't answer, mostly because explaining if they were all right or not would involve letting go of him, which they seem extremely reluctant to do.
They do shake their head, after a moment, as best they can. But they don't really look at him.
The meaning of that reluctance to let go is at least somewhat clear, even lacking words, in its childish insistence.
[It comes in loud and clear how they feel at the moment. To answer the question is to let go of the Troupe Master and they do not. Not without their fascinating language using hands but a simple shake of their head.
Whatever happened to them was clearly upsetting. Without a word, Grimm embraces the Vessel and gently pats their back.]
I am here, dear Knight. I do not know what you experienced so it would be presumptuous of me to say it will be okay. But when you are ready to share what you witnessed, I will be here.
[He is the God of Nightmares. What nightmares haunt the Knight, be them asleep or aware, are something he can bare. They are not alone that way.]
[ They should probably talk about it. And they do want to talk about it, in whatever way they can, because they're starting to realise some things they've always carried are too large, in their pain, to carry on their own.
(Part of them feels bitter, at this weakness in themselves
tarnished by an idea instilled, she had said,
but you - you are free of those blemishes -
but maybe it always will.)
They just need a moment. And that's fine, isn't it? They can take a moment. It can wait.
(Where are they even going to begin?)
They're so caught up in their muddled thoughts that when they realise they're trembling, they don't know how long it's been happening, or when it started, or why. It makes their eventual use of sign language a little harder to read, because they can't seem to stop. ]
[For a Vessel, the size of their body was no indicator of what they could carry within themselves. Stand tall as he might, the flames that were the Nightmare King are taller still. The infection spread in drops but the worst was held back by a lonely, scared child who grew before they even knew what a childhood was.
But that is the body alone. The mind is a different matter, a place where one can be at ease or it can become their own personal hell. Grimm knew what his would be if he allowed it to come true. The nightmare that haunted even the Nightmare King himself. No lock nor key but a realm left in pieces, no farther could he go.
And the Knight...are they standing on that line between comfort and madness or have they fallen to one side?
It may not be a nightmare that Grimm can take away. But he can bare it, he can continue to hold them in his arms, rubbing a hand down their back and letting them shake.
It is foolish to assume a warrior felt no fear. But it is foolish still to never allow them to express it when it comes to pass.]
It does not have to be the beginning, nor the ends I know from lands long past. Ask your heart where you must start and follow along until the end. And I will wait until you find the words.
[Time to a God is meaningless. Grimm's time is not, but for friends and family...he would give all he had.]
[ It's hard to tell. If asked that question, they wouldn't know how to answer, because they have so little to compare it to.
(They have always tried to drown themselves out, to be busy, not to think. But they have so much time to think now, and it drowns them in turn. Everything they've left unsaid is a weight that is so much harder to hold.)
They've tried so hard to communicate, to make things easy to follow. To work in straight lines and linear sentences and to put into action what they've been taught. It is difficult, because their writing and their thoughts go in circles. It revolves like the language they knew from their birth, the sigils that hum and whisper, old images painted on signposts.
Being given permission not to do that is a relief. ]
Still do not remember everything
Cannot [ Or will not, maybe. Their own mind is a closed book to them, sometimes. Some things, even in rest, they mercifully don't recall.
They stare at nothing. The next words take a while to form. ]
There were so many
None of them lived except me
Don't understand
[ Waking up surrounded by the dead, so long ago, had dealt them a wound they struggle to articulate, even now.
They take too much on themselves, as ever. The guilt, though less all-consuming now, still lingers in the way they speak of it, their hesitant motions. Thinking about it is still painful. ]
[The Abyss and the Pale King's children. Thousands upon thousands of corpses laying across a shore of nothing, with only two escaping the fate that the others suffered.
The Knight and the Hollow Knight. But in the end...only the Knight remained. They survived and do not understand why.
(Guilt will linger, a scar that persists no matter the pains one takes to heal. The Abyss accepted all but the Knight was a child with a heart made of scar tissue.)]
Do you feel guilty, my friend? That you survived when your siblings did not?
[All Grimm knows of is the tale of the Hollow Knight and those who now line the Abyss's walls. He does not know of those strung up in the lair of a shape-shifting beast or the one all alone that drowned in infection.
But he knows of guilt, of wondering why. It is not something Grimm spoke of, for it would not respect the memories of those who came before him. None of those past blurred with one another for they were all unique. But for the members of the Troupe, for those who grew to treasure and love their Master were burdened with 'his' eventual death and knowledge they would never see 'him' again, even though Grimm lived.
And sometimes it is difficult to bare the guilt of that, what the cycle took away. The song is endless but each note will eventually stop. Grimm is not the one who had to pick up the pieces.
Thinking back on what is gone forever hurts. This he understands.]
[ Maybe if they'd been able to save someone else, back then, it might have hurt less to come back to the place they were born, to remember.
But they could only save themselves, and they remember precious little of that. It feels like a betrayal, even now, with that weight lifted off their shoulders by the trial, that acceptance-
You can't come with me. I can't save you.
- it's still a bitter thing to force down at last, when they've spent so much time dwelling on the past, thinking about what they could have done more of, going in circles. Trapped in the manner of someone who never thinks about the future, because they had never expected a future.
(It has never been their burden to shoulder, but they take it anyway. A small creature attempting to claim responsibility for a weight that far outstrips them.) ]
They have had this discussion of burdens before and if one could become used to the weight of them. The Knight's was of countless dead siblings and the one chosen, honored and doomed. A kingdom that was nothing more then a shambling corpse no matter how beautiful it looked to the eye. Those who have passed on and reside within them, moments past and buried.
He is, as much as they would detest it, reminded a little of the Pale King. They both took things from others, became integrated in the little world that made up Hallownest. Wyrm in the physical world and the Knight in matters of the heart and regret.
But knowing and thinking of all this...Grimm's answer is simple.]
No.
[He leaned forward a little ways, pressing his forehead against the Knight's. The Troupe Master's tone is uncharacteristically somber.]
It is a cruelty how they died. The Hollow Knight, your siblings...their fates were not ones they asked for nor deserved. The choice was taken from them all. You as well. He gave none of you a choice.
[The Nightmare King cared for little but he valued choice. He granted his vessels the ability to grow, to be more then just something to bare his title.
To tear that away from a child, the ability to chose, was unconscionable. It was cruel. It...was unsurprising, coming from Wyrm.
(The Pale King was fascinating and beautiful in his pale light and mind, and terrible to behold in his inability and lack of desire to understand emotions.)]
But there are fates you cannot alter, no matter how powerful you are. Lives that cannot be saved. Minds...that cannot be changed. [He sighs.] What ifs are a terrible cycle to be caught up in, my friend. Yet I do understand why you wish for them to live. More then anything.
[ In them there is an echo of their father's strength of will; they have claimed, turned it to other purpose, made it their own, but the reflection is sometimes too striking to ignore.
The Pale King thought nothing of sacrificing others for his own plans, until there was nobody left to pay the price for him. The Knight thinks little of themselves, of their own pain, and sacrifices themselves over and over until they have nothing left to give.
No cost too great.
(A selfish king produces entirely too selfless children.)
They don't speak to answer, because that would break that point of contact between them, and it's not something they want to let go of yet.
There are fates that cannot be altered, things that cannot be changed, no matter how hard they try. It's something they share, that awareness of inevitability, as much as the Knight wishes it wasn't the case.
Gently, they clasp one of Grimm's hands in both their own, giving it a small pat, a small attempt at returning the comfort he's given them. What can they even say? ]
[All lives end and that fact is even out of the control of the Gods. The Knight had witnessed both Grimm and the Radiance's deaths, the ruins of what the Pale King left behind. Unn's peaceful sleep until the day she rises yet again.
The world moves on regardless of those who pass away until the day the land itself dies. The ashes are then scattered in the wind and something new is born from it. But there is nothing wrong with keeping some of that ash for yourself.]
Keep those gone within your heart, my dear Knight. They will live forever if you remember but you cannot let these memories consume you. Walk beside your siblings' memories just as I do with those who came before me, rather then bare them alone on your shoulders.
[The death of a being comes from forgetting them but those who lived cannot dwell forever. That too, is its own form of death.
("Cannot forget the dead. Cannot forget to live. The loop will not stop otherwise."
And the Nightmare King was correct in that line of thought. However...)
Grimm smiles slightly.]
It will take time. But your sibling and I are here to listen when the past becomes too much and I am certain there are many on this island who would do the same. This is not a path you will walk alone, a hell you have to endure with no help.
[The Knight likely had enough time alone to pick up all of these burdens. Now they no longer will have to bare them all on their own.
[ It's a simple thing, in the end. Some almost silly realisation that makes them relax, that makes them finally, finally accept that kindness.
They have always fought for other people; they have worked and struggled and toiled for a kingdom that forgot them, that never realized their existence. Even here, they have always been more concerned about other people's happiness than their own.
What...were they even trying to live up to?
To be something that was entirely unlike their father? Still defining themselves by him, even though he was long gone? To be good, to prove that they didn't deserve to be discarded, to prove that their flaws were never flaws at all? To avenge their siblings, to avenge everyone who died for a king who never cared?
(A child bound by invisible chains.)
They've done all of that, and more. They've exceeded their purpose and the past, gone far past the point where their purpose really mattered. Aren't they done? Isn't it enough?
They are a kind child, and they will always push themselves to help others, but...
Maybe they're allowed to ask for help.
Instead of answering properly, they break that contact with Grimm in order to curl up in his lap instead. It's happened once before, they remember, when they were sick; the only time they've ever been sick. A steady heartbeat and a warmth that doesn't fade, not even in their dreams.
The words are slow to come, and it's awkward to see them from where they are. But they don't want to give up that comfort.
They think that they'd like to be selfish, just this once. ]
Did I do well?
[ It's such a childish question. But
well, they've never gotten to be a child, either. So maybe...this once...it's fine. It's okay. ]
[The Knight's kindness, their strength of heart in the face of those who denied a Vessel possessed one, was beautiful.
Their journey to the Radiance and the heart of the infection was harsh, something no child should have endured alone. The loss and regaining of their memories meant they lost their siblings again. Consumed by light, by the unfilled regrets that were bone deep in the land of Hallownest.
(Dark regrets that could not be forgotten, crying out for release. They breed nightmares and kindle the flames of what must be done.
"Shadows dream of endless fire.")
Now it was time for the Knight's own regrets to be addressed, their shade tended to. They will likely never put their nail down. As Grimm would never stop his Ritual so his child will grow, the Knight would keep fighting for those who they love.
But what Grimm could do, what others will do, is be a support in return. The Knight would protect someone with their blade and in turn they will have a place to come home to and people to hold them. Their regrets will no longer be a noose around their neck.
(The Nightmare King dies with his vessel so they would not die alone.)
The least Grimm can do is make sure the Knight is not alone with their nightmares if they were not something he could take.
The Troupe Master's heartbeat is endless as is his warmth. He has often thought of the irony of someone seeking comfort from the God of Nightmares but that matters not. He reaches around the Knight to cover them with some of his cloak. Within the folds is the sound of the Grimmchild's quiet breathing as they sleep within Grimm's heart.]
My friend, you have done wonderfully. The journey you have taken was beautiful and you saw it to the bitter end. Hallownest and I will never forget what you have done. Thank you for everything you have given.
[A heart of Void, a heart filled with darkness and kindness. A heart made of scar tissue but continued to go on despite the pain.
A path of pain was their's to walk. But now they will no longer walk alone.]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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(The image of a rotting butterfly is still burned into the God's mind.)
But that did not matter in the face of finding those dear to him. The Knight was likely going though something more worse.
And...well this is a clear indicator. The Knight does not weigh much on their own so that alone is not enough to knock Grimm off his perch. But being tackled is enough to wake and startle him enough he lets go with a surprised noise that is not unlike his child's chirping.
Luckily the fall is not so bad it would hurt either of them and that Grimm does not fall on the Knight.
(As his dream fades he can hear that old voice laughing.)]
That certainly was a surprise! [But he is not angry, merely surprised. And there are more things to worry about.] Are you alright, my friend?
[Touch is something the Knight seeks but not quite like this.]
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Grimm asks them if they're all right. They don't answer, mostly because explaining if they were all right or not would involve letting go of him, which they seem extremely reluctant to do.
They do shake their head, after a moment, as best they can. But they don't really look at him.
The meaning of that reluctance to let go is at least somewhat clear, even lacking words, in its childish insistence.
I missed you. ]
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Whatever happened to them was clearly upsetting. Without a word, Grimm embraces the Vessel and gently pats their back.]
I am here, dear Knight. I do not know what you experienced so it would be presumptuous of me to say it will be okay. But when you are ready to share what you witnessed, I will be here.
[He is the God of Nightmares. What nightmares haunt the Knight, be them asleep or aware, are something he can bare. They are not alone that way.]
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(Part of them feels bitter, at this weakness in themselves
tarnished by an idea instilled, she had said,
but you - you are free of those blemishes -
but maybe it always will.)
They just need a moment. And that's fine, isn't it? They can take a moment. It can wait.
(Where are they even going to begin?)
They're so caught up in their muddled thoughts that when they realise they're trembling, they don't know how long it's been happening, or when it started, or why. It makes their eventual use of sign language a little harder to read, because they can't seem to stop. ]
Don't know
Don't know where to start
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But that is the body alone. The mind is a different matter, a place where one can be at ease or it can become their own personal hell. Grimm knew what his would be if he allowed it to come true. The nightmare that haunted even the Nightmare King himself. No lock nor key but a realm left in pieces, no farther could he go.
And the Knight...are they standing on that line between comfort and madness or have they fallen to one side?
It may not be a nightmare that Grimm can take away. But he can bare it, he can continue to hold them in his arms, rubbing a hand down their back and letting them shake.
It is foolish to assume a warrior felt no fear. But it is foolish still to never allow them to express it when it comes to pass.]
It does not have to be the beginning, nor the ends I know from lands long past. Ask your heart where you must start and follow along until the end. And I will wait until you find the words.
[Time to a God is meaningless. Grimm's time is not, but for friends and family...he would give all he had.]
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(They have always tried to drown themselves out, to be busy, not to think. But they have so much time to think now, and it drowns them in turn. Everything they've left unsaid is a weight that is so much harder to hold.)
They've tried so hard to communicate, to make things easy to follow. To work in straight lines and linear sentences and to put into action what they've been taught. It is difficult, because their writing and their thoughts go in circles. It revolves like the language they knew from their birth, the sigils that hum and whisper, old images painted on signposts.
Being given permission not to do that is a relief. ]
Still do not remember everything
Cannot [ Or will not, maybe. Their own mind is a closed book to them, sometimes. Some things, even in rest, they mercifully don't recall.
They stare at nothing. The next words take a while to form. ]
There were so many
None of them lived except me
Don't understand
[ Waking up surrounded by the dead, so long ago, had dealt them a wound they struggle to articulate, even now.
They take too much on themselves, as ever. The guilt, though less all-consuming now, still lingers in the way they speak of it, their hesitant motions. Thinking about it is still painful. ]
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The Knight and the Hollow Knight. But in the end...only the Knight remained. They survived and do not understand why.
(Guilt will linger, a scar that persists no matter the pains one takes to heal. The Abyss accepted all but the Knight was a child with a heart made of scar tissue.)]
Do you feel guilty, my friend? That you survived when your siblings did not?
[All Grimm knows of is the tale of the Hollow Knight and those who now line the Abyss's walls. He does not know of those strung up in the lair of a shape-shifting beast or the one all alone that drowned in infection.
But he knows of guilt, of wondering why. It is not something Grimm spoke of, for it would not respect the memories of those who came before him. None of those past blurred with one another for they were all unique. But for the members of the Troupe, for those who grew to treasure and love their Master were burdened with 'his' eventual death and knowledge they would never see 'him' again, even though Grimm lived.
And sometimes it is difficult to bare the guilt of that, what the cycle took away. The song is endless but each note will eventually stop. Grimm is not the one who had to pick up the pieces.
Thinking back on what is gone forever hurts. This he understands.]
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Do not remember but
Could have done something
[ Maybe if they'd been able to save someone else, back then, it might have hurt less to come back to the place they were born, to remember.
But they could only save themselves, and they remember precious little of that. It feels like a betrayal, even now, with that weight lifted off their shoulders by the trial, that acceptance-
You can't come with me. I can't save you.
- it's still a bitter thing to force down at last, when they've spent so much time dwelling on the past, thinking about what they could have done more of, going in circles. Trapped in the manner of someone who never thinks about the future, because they had never expected a future.
(It has never been their burden to shoulder, but they take it anyway. A small creature attempting to claim responsibility for a weight that far outstrips them.) ]
no subject
They have had this discussion of burdens before and if one could become used to the weight of them. The Knight's was of countless dead siblings and the one chosen, honored and doomed. A kingdom that was nothing more then a shambling corpse no matter how beautiful it looked to the eye. Those who have passed on and reside within them, moments past and buried.
He is, as much as they would detest it, reminded a little of the Pale King. They both took things from others, became integrated in the little world that made up Hallownest. Wyrm in the physical world and the Knight in matters of the heart and regret.
But knowing and thinking of all this...Grimm's answer is simple.]
No.
[He leaned forward a little ways, pressing his forehead against the Knight's. The Troupe Master's tone is uncharacteristically somber.]
It is a cruelty how they died. The Hollow Knight, your siblings...their fates were not ones they asked for nor deserved. The choice was taken from them all. You as well. He gave none of you a choice.
[The Nightmare King cared for little but he valued choice. He granted his vessels the ability to grow, to be more then just something to bare his title.
To tear that away from a child, the ability to chose, was unconscionable. It was cruel. It...was unsurprising, coming from Wyrm.
(The Pale King was fascinating and beautiful in his pale light and mind, and terrible to behold in his inability and lack of desire to understand emotions.)]
But there are fates you cannot alter, no matter how powerful you are. Lives that cannot be saved. Minds...that cannot be changed. [He sighs.] What ifs are a terrible cycle to be caught up in, my friend. Yet I do understand why you wish for them to live. More then anything.
[Burn the father, feed the child.
Yes. More then anything.]
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The Pale King thought nothing of sacrificing others for his own plans, until there was nobody left to pay the price for him. The Knight thinks little of themselves, of their own pain, and sacrifices themselves over and over until they have nothing left to give.
No cost too great.
(A selfish king produces entirely too selfless children.)
They don't speak to answer, because that would break that point of contact between them, and it's not something they want to let go of yet.
There are fates that cannot be altered, things that cannot be changed, no matter how hard they try. It's something they share, that awareness of inevitability, as much as the Knight wishes it wasn't the case.
Gently, they clasp one of Grimm's hands in both their own, giving it a small pat, a small attempt at returning the comfort he's given them. What can they even say? ]
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The world moves on regardless of those who pass away until the day the land itself dies. The ashes are then scattered in the wind and something new is born from it. But there is nothing wrong with keeping some of that ash for yourself.]
Keep those gone within your heart, my dear Knight. They will live forever if you remember but you cannot let these memories consume you. Walk beside your siblings' memories just as I do with those who came before me, rather then bare them alone on your shoulders.
[The death of a being comes from forgetting them but those who lived cannot dwell forever. That too, is its own form of death.
("Cannot forget the dead. Cannot forget to live. The loop will not stop otherwise."
And the Nightmare King was correct in that line of thought. However...)
Grimm smiles slightly.]
It will take time. But your sibling and I are here to listen when the past becomes too much and I am certain there are many on this island who would do the same. This is not a path you will walk alone, a hell you have to endure with no help.
[The Knight likely had enough time alone to pick up all of these burdens. Now they no longer will have to bare them all on their own.
Not anymore.]
no subject
They have always fought for other people; they have worked and struggled and toiled for a kingdom that forgot them, that never realized their existence. Even here, they have always been more concerned about other people's happiness than their own.
What...were they even trying to live up to?
To be something that was entirely unlike their father? Still defining themselves by him, even though he was long gone? To be good, to prove that they didn't deserve to be discarded, to prove that their flaws were never flaws at all? To avenge their siblings, to avenge everyone who died for a king who never cared?
(A child bound by invisible chains.)
They've done all of that, and more. They've exceeded their purpose and the past, gone far past the point where their purpose really mattered. Aren't they done? Isn't it enough?
They are a kind child, and they will always push themselves to help others, but...
Maybe they're allowed to ask for help.
Instead of answering properly, they break that contact with Grimm in order to curl up in his lap instead. It's happened once before, they remember, when they were sick; the only time they've ever been sick. A steady heartbeat and a warmth that doesn't fade, not even in their dreams.
The words are slow to come, and it's awkward to see them from where they are. But they don't want to give up that comfort.
They think that they'd like to be selfish, just this once. ]
Did I do well?
[ It's such a childish question. But
well, they've never gotten to be a child, either. So maybe...this once...it's fine. It's okay. ]
no subject
Their journey to the Radiance and the heart of the infection was harsh, something no child should have endured alone. The loss and regaining of their memories meant they lost their siblings again. Consumed by light, by the unfilled regrets that were bone deep in the land of Hallownest.
(Dark regrets that could not be forgotten, crying out for release. They breed nightmares and kindle the flames of what must be done.
"Shadows dream of endless fire.")
Now it was time for the Knight's own regrets to be addressed, their shade tended to. They will likely never put their nail down. As Grimm would never stop his Ritual so his child will grow, the Knight would keep fighting for those who they love.
But what Grimm could do, what others will do, is be a support in return. The Knight would protect someone with their blade and in turn they will have a place to come home to and people to hold them. Their regrets will no longer be a noose around their neck.
(The Nightmare King dies with his vessel so they would not die alone.)
The least Grimm can do is make sure the Knight is not alone with their nightmares if they were not something he could take.
The Troupe Master's heartbeat is endless as is his warmth. He has often thought of the irony of someone seeking comfort from the God of Nightmares but that matters not. He reaches around the Knight to cover them with some of his cloak. Within the folds is the sound of the Grimmchild's quiet breathing as they sleep within Grimm's heart.]
My friend, you have done wonderfully. The journey you have taken was beautiful and you saw it to the bitter end. Hallownest and I will never forget what you have done. Thank you for everything you have given.
[A heart of Void, a heart filled with darkness and kindness. A heart made of scar tissue but continued to go on despite the pain.
A path of pain was their's to walk. But now they will no longer walk alone.]